Welcome to ‘House Beautiful’

March 1, 2013 | By More

This column is all about making you feel better about your life. Unfortunately, in the process of making you feel better, I will once again confirm that I am completely off my rocker. But it is the price I must pay so that you will realize there is always somebody out there that is much more dysfunctional than you.

Are you feeling better yet? Oh, just wait you will.

I am a woman who likes order. As a matter of fact it is safe to say I am obsessive, compulsive about order. Even when no one is coming over I like for my house to look as if we are just waiting on House Beautiful to come over for a photo shoot.

Now for those of you who have been in my home you may want to make some comments about my sense of style and use of color or the lack thereof. But you would be hard pressed to find many who could say it wasn’t picked up and tidy.

There is only one problem with my neat and tidy: it is only skin deep. You see, I find places to hide things. For example, just a few days ago I had a receipt that I wanted to hang onto for a while. Where, oh where should I put it? Oh, I will just put it in my sliver tea set. Yes, you read that right, my silver tea set. I know: who does that? Well, apparently I do, and I have been doing it for years. Both the coffee pot and the tea pot are full of old receipts. As I was placing yet another receipt in the silver set a little voice in my head was saying, “You know that is not what this tea set is for?” And I know this may sound scary to you, but I am so accustomed to answering myself that I very confidently said, “Well in my house it is.”

What I find even more bizarre is that I have two of these fancy silver tea sets, and I have only used them three times in the last 26 years. Why in the world do I even have them at all? But at this point I can’t get rid of them. If I did where would I keep all my receipts?

Okay, now are you feeling better about yourself?

Well, if that didn’t do it maybe this will. This very same week my oldest son – who lives in Tampa, Fla. – and his girlfriend were coming to my house. Let me pause for a little back story. If you read my column last month then you know about the cat. This is that son. He decided to make a quick trip to Arkansas to get his cat. Good news: I don’t have to meet him in Montgomery, Ala., with the cat. Bad news: I need to do some extra house primping to get ready for the photo shoot, I mean company.

I decide that we need new feather pillows on the guest beds. And while I am at it some new blankets and pillow cases would be nice as well. Oh, I get on a roll and what the heck wouldn’t some new curtains and a few new decorative pillows look good too? I have these rooms, well at least the beds, looking quite stylish and inviting. They are actually much nicer than even my own bed. Won’t my son and his girlfriend be so pleased?

Let’s be clear that I am working on two rooms. Of course it would have been a lot less work if I would just let them share a room, but hey it’s momma’s house and it’s momma’s rules. Anyway, now two beds in my house that used to cradle teenage boys look fit for royalty.

My darling boy and his girlfriend arrive and I proudly show them their rooms. They ooh and awe appropriately and thank me for my efforts in making them comfortable. The evening comes and my husband and I go to bed as the young ones head out to meet up with friends. It all sounds so perfectly lovely doesn’t it?

So, please try to imagine my surprise when I get up in the morning and find my son asleep on the couch and his girlfriend asleep on cushions on the floor next to the couch. No one had even disturbed the beautiful, inviting beds! All I could think was, “are you kidding me?” Then I thought, “yep this is the Bentley house.” This is exactly how it should go. Momma spends all that money and time making those beds beautiful and comfortable and no one even sleeps in them.

Oh well, at least those beds are still ready for their photo shoot. House Beautiful come on over.

If you are not feeling better about yourself by now just let me know. I have a few more of these stories I could tell you.

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Category: Features

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