Only the Nose Knows

April 1, 2013 | By More

NOTICE: I have just shared with you the main thought that has been running through my head over the past week.

Yes, I am actually going to take you on a walk through “snot week.” I promise it won’t get too gross, but some of you should probably stop reading now – my dear sister Kurtiss I am referring to you. Just a side note: some of you may remember a past article in which I spoke of a sister that calls anything that comes out of the nose “nasal secretions”. Well, Kurtiss is that sister. And if by chance you are one of those people, like her, who has never said the word “boogers” (unless you were forced to by your younger, evil sister) then you should probably stop reading as well.

I was so proud of myself; except for a little cold right around Christmas time, I have not been sick at all this winter. I watched as friend after friend were taken out by this virus or that virus. Even my dear husband was sick for almost two weeks with a wicked sinus infection. I somehow managed to avoid all the pitfalls. I patted myself on the back thinking my new exercise and eating habits were keeping me healthy.

Well, you know how they say pride cometh before the fall? I fell and I fell hard; I am currently on day six of a cold virus. Seriously, if I didn’t know better I would swear there were little people setting up a snot shop right behind my eyeballs. And from the sinus pressure headache I have had for the last four days I would say they have over built. I would also say based on the number of Kleenex boxes I have emptied they are way over zealous about their job.

It’s not like I have never had a cold or sinus infection before, but for some reason this time I have been contemplating the nuances of snot and snot production. Has anyone else ever noticed that if you lay on your right side the left nostril clears? And then if you lay on your left side the right nostril clears. It is fascinating. Then if you sit-up they both fill up and you are back to mouth breathing again. I was so intrigued by this discovery that I actually went through the sequence several times before I decided having my right nostril clear was the most comfortable.

This all lead me to thinking about the design and function of noses. Mine is by no means a small one, but there is no way it should funnel that much mucus. That thought lead me to thinking about my friends with tiny, cute noses and wondering how they didn’t drown when they were sick; which lead me to thinking about mouth breathing; which lead me to thinking about chapped lips; which lead me to thinking about Vicks Vapor Rub.

No one panic. I don’t put Vicks Vapor Rub on my lips. I do, however, put it all over my neck and chest and rub a generous portion under my nose. That stuff is amazing. One night as I prepared to try and get some sleep I covered what seemed like most of my upper body in Vicks Vapor Rub. As I did this I thought to myself, “I sure hope you can’t over dose on this stuff, because if you can then I am in trouble.” Oh, and by the way, I have not slept in my bed for five nights now. Maybe tonight I can finally lie in my bed without coughing enough to wake the dead. I have also not slept well for several nights which could explain the topic of this story.

It is interesting how being sick makes you appreciate the small things in everyday life. Oh, I know it was only a cold, but still, who even thinks about breathing normally until you can’t? Yesterday, the highlight of my day was when I realized I was breathing through both nostrils at the same time. I was so excited that I sent a mass text to several of my friends who had been inquiring about my well being. I even thought to myself, “I am well.” Only, I am not well, at least not yet.

I do, however, believe that most of those little snot factory workers have moved on to their next location. And since these little “boogers” seem to never be out of work; they just relocate every seven to ten days. I have one final thought: we should all buy stock in Kleenex and Vicks Vapor Rub.

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