Wrapping Tissue Comes on a Roll?

November 1, 2009 | By More

Today is my 46th birthday. As I sit here collecting my thoughts, I do so with a huge bandage covering my nose. I had some pre- cancerous cells removed yesterday so I get to sport this fashionable, brown bandage until tomorrow.

The brown part of the bandage is the interesting part. You see, I learned yesterday that they make a tape that is remarkably skin colored. Obviously, someone who understands the vanity of women was the creator.

The doctor tapes up your incision with all this bright, white material and then covers it with brown tape so you don’t shine like Rudolph the red-nose-reindeer. This somehow gives you –well, at least me — the impression that this thing covering nearly half my face is less noticeable. So, this morning when I had to change the bandages and put all new bright white stuff on my face, I thought for a moment about leaving it all white. Then vanity took over and I grabbed that brown tape and began the camouflage. Isn’t it funny how we are so willing to try and fool ourselves?

But let’s get back to my “REALLY-big-nosed” birthday because it leads into what I really want to say — my husband makes me crazy.

Yes, that is the topic today, tomorrow and many days to come. On one hand, Donald is amazing and on the other, he is amusing at best and frustrating at worst. Okay, it can be worse than frustrating but for today, we will limit it to just frustrating.

This morning was an example of amazing and amusing (not ‘happy’ amusing but ‘roll your eyes’ amusing) all at the same time. I woke to the smell of bacon frying in the kitchen.

My husband knows I love it when he fixes breakfast. On the counter was his gift to me. Now, I have been married for almost 25 years, so I have given up on the “surprise- me-for-my-birthday-with-something-I- really-want” dream. I just tell him what to buy and then we are both happy.

So in the bag was exactly what I had asked for. The “amusing” thing was that my husband has learned through years of living with me that gift bags need to have tissue

paper in them to make them look pretty. Understand, I have had my tissue paper in the same drawer for at least two years, but he couldn’t find it, so he used — toilet paper!

I am standing in the kitchen with a man who has just made me a wonderful birthday breakfast and stuffed my gift bag with toilet paper as decoration. Now if that isn’t a picture of marriage, I don’t know what is!

This leads me to another one of the areas in our marriage that is amazing and amusing at the same time. Let me start this episode by saying, my man is a ‘keeper.’ Even when I feel like I am beating my head against the wall for the millionth time trying to communicate with him, I know I have his whole heart. With that said, how is it a man can be so imperceptive?

What I am about to confess will make some of you believe that I am the one with the “real” problem, but stay with me, because even if that is true, you still have to wonder how anyone can be so clearly oblivious.

I hang up the clothes in my closet by color. Yes, I mean everything is color coordinated: all my red shirts/blouses together, all my blue shirts/blouses together, all my green shirts/blouses together, orange, purple, brown and so on. This same system is used for my pants, etc. So imagine my closet – it is obvious where everything goes. A five- year-old could figure it out.

My dear husband will often help with the laundry and I appreciate it very much. Okay, okay, I can hear some of you now (especially you men reading this) saying the fact that he helps
with laundry should negate any complaint I have.

Let me make it worse. He not only helps with laundry, but he even knows which things of mine get hung up to dry and which go in the dryer. If truth be told, I sometimes think he does the laundry just so I won’t shrink anymore of his good shirts, because to me everything of his goes in the dryer.

After the clothes have air dried, Donald will sometimes even hang them up for me in the closet. I know, I should be and I am very appreciative of this action, as well.

But I am going to take a moment here and remind you that my clothes are color- coordinated. I also want it stated for the record that my husband is not color-blind. So, can anyone out there please explain to me why my husband would hang a blue jacket up with my green clothes and an orange jacket up with my blue clothes?

I know… I could just go in behind him and move them to their “correct” location, which I do. But, how can the man not see the pattern in front of him???

This is not a new dilemma. He has been doing this for quite some time and I have held my tongue. This last week, though, was the last straw. I just can’t keep quite anymore, so honey, thank you so much for helping me with the laundry. But what is the matter with you? Have you even noticed that my clothes are color-coordinated?

I’ll let you know what he said. In the meantime I am going to take this wad of toilet paper back to the bathroom.

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Category: Every Day Life

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