I Need “Professional” Help!

June 1, 2013 | By More

A candidate for merry maids, apparently, I am not. Now, if you were to walk around my house at this moment you would think that there were all kinds of cleaning activities in the works. And granted, I do like to keep my house neat and tidy. Some have even said that I have a compulsive tendency to clean, but lately, things have been-a-changin’. So, it is now time for a little self-analysis. Oh don’t fret, this won’t hurt much. I never think too deeply about these matters; usually just enough to amuse myself.

Take a look at the pictures accompanying this story. Those are actual pictures from my home that I took just minutes ago. Looks as if someone is planning some serious cleaning, right? It is all an illusion. You see, those cleaning tools have been in those exact locations for almost three weeks. Oh, I meant to use them the day I put them out, but other things kept getting in the way. And by other things I mean any and all things… such as watching my fingernails grow. I just can’t seem to get my cleaning groove on. You would think that I would put the cleaning products away, but no, I leave them out so they can taunt me every day. Well, let me just be honest here. They did taunt me the first week, but by the second week I began to see them as interesting addition to my home décor. If these poor items wanted to get my attention these days they would have to do a song and dance number. Maybe I’m hoping the cleaning will happen by osmosis. Or, better yet, a cleaning fairy will come in while I sleep and see that I have left everything she needs within easy reach. Yeah, I wouldn’t bet on that.

Ok, enough with the nonsense. Here is the reason –or at least what I am telling myself is the reason — I procrastinate so much when it comes to cleaning. I have two border collies. No, they don’t hang out in my shower or lay on top of my wood furniture, but they create so much dog hair that they have beaten me down. The shedding is monumental! Every week there is enough hair on the wood floors of my home to cover another dog. Yes, I am exaggerating, but only just a little. It is disgusting! Vacuuming is a regular, mandatory chore, or it should be. But, because it is a never ending battle, and I truly have had too many irons in the fire, vacuuming has been at the bottom of my to-do list. For example, while I am writing this, I am also baking 88 peanut butter cookies for a wedding shower tonight, and I am doing laundry so I can go to Springdale for the weekend. All the while the vacuum sits just behind me, patiently waiting its turn.

I set that vacuum in the foyer a couple of weeks ago with the idea that when I had a spare moment I might actually use it. But, as I mentioned earlier, I have become very adept at doing everything but cleaning during my spare moments. The day came and went with no vacuuming. I decided to leave the vacuum out in the hope of getting to it tomorrow. Well, tomorrow came and went. Still no vacuuming.

This process went on for several days until one night my husband got up in the middle of the night and thought he might have forgotten to lock the front door when we went to bed. As he went to check — yes, by now I am sure you have guessed — he tripped over the vacuum.

The next morning he asked me what the deal was with the vacuum. I feebly tried to explain my intentions to vacuum and promised I would get it done that day as to remove the safety hazards from our home. But, later that day, as I went to plug in the vacuum, it occurred to me that the dogs would be going to the groomers in three days. They would be getting their summer haircuts, which meant they would be shaved. No hair. It just seemed reasonable to wait three more days to vacuum, right? Yes, it is true that by this point there was enough dog hair scattered around my house to make a whole litter of puppies. But, what could three more days hurt?

Grooming day came, along with a myriad of other things begging for my time, and not one minute of vacuuming was done. At this point, I was beginning to think I might need professional help. By professional help I mean mental health, but you know, a professional cleaning service would take care of some of my issues.

It has now been a few more days, and no real cleaning has been performed. But, I have met my story deadline and I do have 88 peanut butter cookies ready to go.

This little cleaning dilemma is really not that hard to solve. As a matter of fact, I am absolutely positive every woman reading this right now knows how to solve it. The answer is company. Yes, that’s right. We all know that if I had company coming over I would be on that vacuum like white on rice and no one would ever know I had dogs in my house. Well, that would be true if I hadn’t already told you about the “dog hair puppies” growing under my couch. Hey, you wanna come see them? They are really cute.

Share

Category: Every Day Life

Comments are closed.